Some Very Small Things I Miss About The Outside

• Going to Nandos with friends. But not just going to Nandos with friends, but that tiny bit where one of you decides what they want to order and goes up to pay… only to circle back seconds later with a “I forget the table number!” quip.
• That tipping point that happens at around 9.30pm-10pm where you’re in the pub and someone decides to get one more round in. But instead of getting just beer, get got additional shots. One of you feigns disgust at the extra drinks, another one laughs: you all know you’re not getting home until midnight.
• Or when you’re in the pub and you’re going a *little* too heavy, so a friend gets you a pint of water, or maybe a pint of coca cola to help you steady yourself. The glass always has too much ice in it. You don’t mind because in your drunk state you realise you need the extra water.
• That bit when you’re laughing with a friend and you truly lose yourself and you start grasping for something to steady yourself with before you fall over, but all you can do is hold your friend and you both sort of fall into each other.
• Shit talking. Proper, nasty forehead-in-someones face “get the fuck off the court” shit talking. Playing UNO/Call of Duty/FIFA Online is fun, but there’s a perverse joy in beating someone at a game and blowing a raspberry in their face.
• wearing headphones in the office and someone coming along and miming something to you. You look confused. Then you take their headphones out and they go “I’m asking if you want a cup of tea”.
• Or when you work in one of those offices where the toilet is in the landing, so you have to stand up and go “Can I borrow someone’s keycard” before you sit in the cubicle and mindlessly scroll Instagram in a cubicle for 15 minutes.
• The morning after, where you text a friend and ask how they’re coping with their hangover.
• Or being that friend, and sending them a face of you looking like crap at work.
• The morning after, where you left your mate to it, so send them a bunch of texts asking what happened.

• Or being that…