30 wrestlers get in a big Battle Royale, and you have to be thrown over the top rope and land on two feet to be eliminated.
The Royal Rumble is a stupid idea made perfect. Years of bouncy castle battles turned into a multi-tiered wrestling story for fans to enjoy.
So although it may be of reduced importance in recent years (the very good wrestling blog Tape Machines Are Rolling once called the RR “The Eastern Conference Title” of pay per views, the Royal Rumble still holds some merit as the kingmaker of WWE pay per views. With 30 Superstars all afforded their own entrances, fans can tell the creatives that be about who they think should be the heroes and villains of the future with some well placed pops. (Poor Rey Mysterio).
So now, in no particular order, here are 30 things I have loved about Royal Rumble matches throughout the years.
The posters
Howard Finkel explaining the rules
Whenever a lower card wrestler is called out, sees all the main eventers fighting in the ring, and so decides to just wait out a bit
Mick Foley entering the Rumble as three different characters in 1998
Foley wrestled the ’98 Rumble as Dude Love, Mankind and Cactus Jack. Smart fella.
Playing the Rumble on N64-era videogames
Be it No Mercy or Wrestlemania 2000, four player pass the pad Royal Rumbles are incredible.
Stone Cold screwing Bret Hart in 1997
Kofi Kingston’s constant battles with gravity
Be it handstands, landing on chairs, falling on the Rosebuds, or juussst getting his feet on the steel steps, Kofi Kingston’s Royal Rumble spots are a delight. The man has a fractured relationship with gravity and tremendous body control. There are few better Rumble contestants.
When tag team wrestlers enter the ring and start bossing it, because they know the power of cooperation
When tag team wrestlers enter the ring and start beefing, and you get to see seeds of dissent
When lower card wrestlers try taking on main eventers and get hopelessly outmatched
The Hurricane trying to chokeslam Stone Cold and HHH is a delight.
Anything Chris Jericho does in the Rumble
From the entrances, to using steel chairs, to his weird shit eating mean mugging, Jericho always tries to put in a Flair ‘92 esque performance at the Rumble.
AJ Styles appearing in 2016
Triple H pops
Here’s a thing you notice when you watch loads of Royal Rumble matches back to back — Triple H usually the biggest pop on the night. Not Stone Cold, not The Rock, not John Cena. At the Royal Rumble, Triple H is king. Some might say the King of Kings. Especially when he came back from injury in 2002.
Stone Cold in 1998
Except in 1998, when Stone Cold Steve Austin gets perhaps the loudest pop in Royal Rumble history. Glass shatters and the arena explodes.
Kane in 2001
The Big Red Machine eliminated 11 people in 2001. He’s the Rumble’s greatest star for sure.
Drew Carey in 2001
Why put a good-to-middle comedian in the Royal Rumble? For funny stuff like this.
The 2002 Rumble final four
Stone Cold, Triple H, Kurt Angle, and Mr. Perfect.
Maven eliminating The Undertaker in 2002
Maven was the winner of “Tough Enough”, WWE’s attempt to jump on the early noughties reality TV wave. A former teacher, Maven won himself a WWE contract and entered the pros.
Only he wasn’t a particularly charismatic wrestler. In fact he was dull as balls. Nevertheless, the WWE kept giving Maven various rubs to see if he’d catch on with the crowd, including this, when he eliminated The Undertaker in 2002, and then got properly filled in by The Deadman for doing it.
There’s a bit later on in this beat down when Taker properly smashes Maven on the head with a steel chair. Over the head, completely unsafe, asking for a concussion suit. Still, at least Maven has someone to tell the grandkids eh?
Vince McMahon blowing out both his quads in 2005
The 2005 Rumble ended in a botch that led to a bizarre injury. With the last two combatants, Batista and John Cena, eliminating each other at the same time, we were all confused as to who the winner was.
Cue a FURIOUS Vince McMahon to come out, enter the ring, and then sit down in the corner.
SOMEHOW, in entering the ring, Vince had blow out both of his quad muscles. Painful. We shouldn’t laugh. I still do.
It taking five men to eliminate Kevin Nash in 1994
Paul London’s elimination in 2005
Santino Marella in 2009
Kevin Owen’s face when Sami Zayn arrived in 2016
Legend returns
I’d quite like Jake the Snake/Razor Ramon to get a run out this year.
The Godfather taking forever to enter in 1999 because he keeps collecting his “hoes”
The Attitude Era was a different time.
Hulk Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior staring each other down in 1990
Every now and again you watch a wrestling clip that shows you how excited people used to get before the internet was a thing. Check this out.
John Cena surprising everyone in 2008
Every now and again you watch a wrestling clip that shows you how excited people can still get even though the internet is a thing. Check this out.
Big match John wasn’t supposed to be fit until October 2008. Here he is in January. The man is a hero. Triple H’s face is a dream too.
The Rock fucking up the Royal Rumble 2000 finish
He was meant to just beat Big Show, but his feet touched the ground. Oops.
Mid-Rumble promos
Every now and again, a transcendent star on the mic will get a little time during the Rumble to clear house. With the ring clear, they start cutting a promo on how no one stands a chance. CM Punk’s done it. Bray Wyatt’s done it. It’s always perfect.
Ric Flair’s promo after the 1992 Rumble
Many consider the 1992 Rumble to be the zenith of the format. With the Heavyweight Title on the line, Ric Flair entered the competition at number three, and looked hard up against it to win the competition.
Flair’s manager, the dastardly Bobby “The Brain” Heenan served as colour commentator throughout the show, and constantly shit talks that everyone is out to get Flair.
Eventually, through some chicanery and shenanigans, slick Ric won the Rumble. The ensuring celebratory speech goes a long way to solidifying his legacy as one of the greatest wrestlers of all time.
Special mention to Mr. Perfect partway here: “We’re not the kind of guys to say we told you so but… WE TOLD YOU SO!”
A man can only hope to have a hype team like that.
I’m going to keep doing these blogs on a weekly basis in an effort to kind my writing pen sharp while I look for a job. If you like my writing and would like to hire me, I can be found at carlanka.me
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